The Boy Who Lived Next Door
by kissables333
Summary: The war has been brought to Privet Drive; Number 6 Privet Drive has been destroyed. Once all the muggles have cleared away, Harry goes to collect the journal of the muggle who lived there. But who is she? And why does Harry care so much?
1. Chapter 1

[Chapter 1]

_May 3__rd__, 1998_

_Present Day_

_The police have come and gone. They left after announcing that the furnace of Number 6, Privet Drive had exploded, which resulted in the ruin of the house. The people that had gathered on the street to see what was left of the home had scattered as well. Back to their homes they went. Maybe to discuss the misfortune that had fallen on that one family. Maybe to check their own furnaces to see if they were in proper working order. Needless to say, the gas company got many calls from that area of Little Whinging over the next few days._

_Those people didn't know that you can't protect against what happened at Number 6, Privet Drive. Well, at least __they__ couldn't. He was convinced that he could've prevented this. He was convinced that he could've protected her. If only…_

_No one had been within sight of the destroyed home for hours. But still to be safe, he waited for the cover of night with only the light from his wand to guide him, to explore the shambles that used to be the house next door. He was in her room, or rather what was left of it._

_Her parents weren't home when it happened, when __**they**__ came. She was alone. _

_How could he have not seen this coming? _

_As he stepped over broken furniture, careful to avoid the broken glass that littered the floor, he had his eyes trained on the ground. He didn't know where she had hidden it._

_It wasn't under the ripped pillow or the bed. He searched every exposed crevice and cavity in her room._

_He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Where was it?_

_He had searched the room in its entirety, but he had not even caught a glimpse of that familiar turquoise cover._

_Where would he hide it?_

_It struck it him immediately, as quick as an arrow fired from Cupid's bow._

_The floorboards._

_He looked for a loose one among the wood and glass fragments. He stepped down and found that a board seemed to move beneath his foot._

_Carefully, he kneeled down and brushed away the stray pages that had fallen out of books due to the early incident. After the glass, wood, and other particles had been cleared away, he pried the floor board up to reveal what he had been looking for._

_He smiled down at it. It felt odd for a smile to grace his features. He felt like he hadn't smiled in ages. _

_Grabbing the book he stood up and spun on the spot, concentrating on Ron's room in the Burrow._

_He arrived in the room that he had seen a lot of over the years. It was empty. Ron was probably with Hermione downstairs._

_He had told them he had wanted to rest. They didn't know he had gone to her house. They didn't even know she existed. He never talked about home much. His friends thought there was only the Dursleys on Privet Drive. But no, they were wrong. He didn't bother to correct them._

_He sat on his bed and ran his fingers over the cover. It was turquoise, with a teal cut-out in the shape of a key hole. He traced the words that graced the cover with his fingers._

_"If you read this be aware – details have been changed to throw off busybodies, and half of it is wishful thinking and fiction. Question is, which half?"_

_He whispered the words aloud to the empty room._

_It was a journal. Her journal. He knew this because he had given it to her on her eleventh birthday._

_September 1__st__, 1980. She was born on that day. He sent the gift via owl to her house. And he knew that since then she'd had used it._

_A memory of her flashed in his mind. She was laughing at something, probably him, with that gorgeous smile on her face. Around her neck was a simple necklace, a key dangled down from a plain silver chain. That was the key to the journal._

_Using his wand he opened it. He knew you should never read a girl's journal. But he had to know what she thought about everything. Her thoughts, her view of things had be to just as amazing as her._

_To her, he had always been Harry, just Harry. He wasn't special because he defeated the darkest wizard of all time as a mere one year old. She didn't know him by the scar on his forehead. He wasn't famous in her world. And she didn't mind._

_She had been told his parents died in a car crash. That's how he got his scar as far as she knew. To her he wasn't special because of a prophecy; he was not The Chosen One to her._

_He wanted to find out what she really thought of him. There was a time when she probably would've told him. But now it was too late._

_He had to know. Opening the journal, he began to read._


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to those who've reviewed and those who've favorited/alerted the story. It makes me happy.

And yeah, obviously I don't own any Harry Potter characters etc.

: )

* * *

[Chapter 2]

**September 2nd, 1991**

**Dear Journal,**

**I don't want to start this off like any other journal, blandly telling you random things about my life. This journal is special. It's from Harry.**

**Harry Potter. He's the boy who lives next door to me. He lives with his aunt and uncle. They're horrid people. Not Harry though. He's nice. I mean his aunt and uncle, not to mention Dudley. ****EW!**** I don't like him very much.**

**Harry lives with his aunt and uncle because his mum and dad were killed in a car crash. He told me he doesn't remember it much, except for seeing a green flash. I feel bad for Harry, not just because he lost his parents but because he has to live with the Dursleys. They aren't very nice to him, especially Dudley. I always see Dudley and his friends chasing Harry around and beating him up. Harry doesn't usually tell anyone about it, but he's smart. He knows how to hide from Dudley and his friends. But it helps that Dudley and his friends are very stupid.**

**Harry's my age, but just a few months older. He's my only friend on Privet Drive. I remember the day I met him.**

"Isabelle!" My mum called from the driveway. I scrunched up my nose in dislike. "I'm going to the store. Do you want to come with me?"

"No thanks!" I yelled back. I heard her car door slam shut and the sound of her engine as she started it.

"Your father's in his study if you need him." She called as she drove passed where I was lying on the front lawn.

I had been lying on the lawn for quite some time, watching the clouds go by, when I heard a rustling sound. I turned my head to look at my neighbor's front lawn just in time to see a thin, black-haired boy dive underneath a flower bush.

Puzzled I stood up and started to walk over to him, but I stopped short when I heard Dudley's voice.

"Where'd he go?" Dudley asked his friends. Obviously they couldn't see the boy; either that or they were too stupid to notice the boy's black hair standing out vividly against the green of the bush.

To my dismay, Dudley saw me and smiled. _Ew_. "Isabelle!" I scrunched up my nose again. "Did you see a boy run through here?" He called to me.

"No." I replied, shaking my head. They believed me and ran down the street toward the playground, thinking maybe he was hiding there.

"Thanks." The boy said as he came out from underneath the flower bush. His clothes, obviously too big for him hung limply around him. They looked like they would fit Dudley.

"No problem." I said as I stepped onto his lawn. "I'm Isabelle." I said as I stuck out my hand. "But don't call me that, or I won't talk to you again."

The boy shook my hand. "I'm Harry. Nice to meet you, Elle."

I smiled at him. "Elle…I like it."

He grinned back and pushed his round-rimmed glasses further up on his nose.

"So _you're_ Harry." I said a few minutes later on my front lawn. We were eating popsicles I'd gotten from the fridge. "I heard about you. I always see Dudley and his friends running around talking about beating you up." I sighed. "He's a little bugger."

Harry laughed and I joined in.

I couldn't keep my eyes from straying up to his scar. "I'm sorry about your parents." I said after a moment. The air got suddenly sad and quiet.

"S'okay." He said shaking his head a little bit. His messy black hair moved and covered his scar.

"Harry?"

"Yeah, Elle?" He replied. I smiled. I really liked that name.

"Wanna be my friend?" I asked looking into his really green eyes.

He smiled, "Yeah."

**And that's all it took to become friends with someone at six years old: popsicles and a question.**

**Yesterday was my eleventh birthday. I didn't see Harry for awhile. I'd seen Dudley a lot though. So at midnight yesterday, I officially was sad because I thought Harry forgot my birthday. I'd waited until midnight to be sad because my birthday wasn't officially over until then. I figured maybe he would show up magically with his gift, but he didn't.**

**This morning, I went to get the mail for my mum. But I stepped on a brown package that was on our door step. It was addressed to me. I recognized Harry's handwriting.**

**I heard a hooting sound and looked up. A white snowy owl was sitting on top of my dad's car. I waved to it before going inside.**

**I gave my mum the mail and went upstairs to my room. I unwrapped his gift and found this journal. **

**In the card, he swears he didn't forget my birthday. But he said he got into this boarding school or something that's special? I dunno. He said he wasn't going to be home until Christmas or maybe the summer. **

**I'd laughed a bit when I read his card because I could just imagine Harry saying the exact words he wrote. But I'm sad that I'm not gonna see Harry for a few months. It's gonna seem like forever. I'm gonna miss him calling me Elle. But I guess all I can do is wait for Harry to come home so I hang out with him again. **

**So that's why this journal is special. Because it's from Harry.**

**- Elle**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling.**

**SOOO...thanks for the reviews/favorites/alerts. :)**

* * *

_May 10__th__, 1998_

_Present Day_

_He hadn't been able to read her journal for a few days. After just reading the first entry, he was overwhelmed by the memories. He missed her. Finally, he was able to escape his friends and Ginny for the night, claiming he didn't feel well, so that he could read. He pulled the journal from its hiding place, fittingly enough under a floorboard, and began to read her words once more._

**June 20, 1992**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry wrote almost every week during the year, telling me about how school was and how he made new friends. He told me he got in trouble a lot and that he was the youngest player on the sports team. He didn't mention what sport. He said that there was this one teacher who hated him and he didn't know why. He told me that there's this boy, Draco, who very vile and vain.**

**I miss my best friend. He said he should be home soon but he refuses to tell me when!**

**- Elle**

**June 21****st****, 1992**

**Dear Journal,**

**HARRY'S HOME!**

**- Elle**

**June 22****nd****, 1992**

**Dear Journal,**

**I didn't have much time at all to write yesterday. Everything happened so quickly I only had time to scribble down what happened before I had to go.**

The door bell rang and I answered it with a lazy 'Hello?'

"Are you not happy to see me Elle?"

My eyes widened in shock as I took in who was at the door.

"Harry!" I screamed before I propelled myself across the threshold and threw my arms around him.

"Hello Elle."

I smiled into his chest.

"You've gotten taller." I muttered. He laughed.

"Maybe you've just shrunk." He suggested.

"Not nice." I reprimanded as I let go of him.

"Go change. We're going to the park."

As quickly as I could I raced to my room and changed out of my pajamas.

Not soon enough, we were at the park and Harry was telling me about his friends.

"Ron is the first person I met. He's tall and he's got bright red hair and freckles too. He and Hermione, my other friend, they argue all the time. Its…its pretty funny." He smiled, thinking of his friends. "Well Hermione, she's so smart. Definitely the brightest girl in our year. I think you'd like her," he nodded along to his words. "And I found out…my parents went to Hogwa- this school too." He smiled again. "I saw a mirror- I mean a picture of them. I got a whole bunch of them, actually, from the groundskeeper, Hagrid. Now _he _is tall." Harry laughed again at some inside joke I didn't understand.

"So you like it then? Even though you're so far away?" I asked quietly, as I dragged my feet in the dirt as we swung on the swings.

"I love it. Its more of a home then this will ever be."

"Yeah…" I said quietly.

"But of course, school doesn't have you." He smiled over at me and I returned to it as my fears of losing my best friend melted away.

"Race you to the swings!" I yelled before I ran off with Harry following me.

**He's back!**

**- Elle**

_He read through entry after entry of that summer. And he could remember every moment perfectly. He remembered when they had their first fight that summer over something absolutely stupid. What the fight was about, he couldn't recall. But he remembered feeling one moment so angry at her, the next moment he thinking she looked cute when she was mad, and then the next thinking how much he missed her._

_He missed her now. So very much. He wondered why he was doing this to himself. Why was he putting himself through all of this when it didn't matter anymore? When he was the only one who remembered? Why was he torturing himself?_

_But he knew the answer. It was because he had know how she saw their relationship, how she saw him. He had to know what he meant to her and how much he screwed everything up._

_The last entries he read for the night were the last entries she had written in the summer of '92._

**August 20****th****, 1992**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's disappeared. I don't know where he is or how he's doing. Last night, I heard shouting coming from Harry's house. And now he's gone. I'm worried and I have no way to send him a letter to see if he's alright.**

**I'm scared.**

**- Elle.**

_His heart broke when he saw the tearstains that were left on the journal page. She never told him how much she was worried._

**August 28****th****, 1992**

**Dear Journal,**

**The little bugger's fine. He wrote a letter and that white owl delivered it. Why couldn't he just use the post office like everyone else? He said that he got into a fight with his aunt and uncle and that his school friends came to pick him up late at night. I did think I heard a car that night. But he couldn't have told me? He couldn't have dropped a note sooner? I was worried!**

**I can't believe him.**

**- Elle**

_She was mad. But she never let him know. He thought she was fine. He always thought she was fine. He didn't think she cared that much. He was always wrong about her._


	4. Chapter 4

_May 13__th__, 1998_

_Present Day_

_As each day passed, he missed reading her words. __Reading her words__ made him miss __**her**__. He wanted to read every word, every sentence but he knew with each word and with each sentence, he would get closer to finishing the journal. He was afraid of that. He was afraid of having nothing else of hers to read and to know. He was afraid that once he finished reading, his memories of her would disappear. He didn't want to forget. But he knew he had to read or else, the only thing he would have at night would be nightmares._

**September 4****th****, 1992**

**Dear Journal,**

**I got a letter from Harry today. He said that he and his friend Ron missed their train so they had to ****drive**** to school. My God! That boy is crazy!**

**- Elle**

**January 6****th****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry writes about every two weeks. He said that he was on that sports team again. He ****still**** didn't mention what sport. Harry said there was a rumor going around his school that he was something he wasn't. I could tell he was really annoyed by it. I hope things get better for him.**

**- Elle**

**June 9****th****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**In his letters, Harry mentioned that the flu or something was going around his school. He said that his friend Hermione and Ron's sister, Ginny, were affected. But he said they were better now. He said he should be home soon. I can't wait.**

**- Elle**

**June 11****th****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry is home! : )**

**- Elle**

**June 12****th****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**I spent all of yesterday with Harry. Even though he's a bloody git who completely disappeared last summer, I still missed him.**

"Hello Harry." I smiled and gave him a hug before we sat down on our swings, our place.

"Hello Elle." He smiled back at me, his green eyes shining brightly behind his glasses.

"So how was school?" I asked as we swung back and forth gently. "Did that thing with the rumor work out?"

"Yeah. Yeah it did." He said looking down. "It's all fine."

"I missed you Harry."

He smiled at me. "I missed you too."

**I hate it when he leaves.**

**- Elle**

**July 31****st****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry and I spent his birthday together. He said his friends from school sent him gifts. But I didn't know what to get him.**

"Hey Birthday Boy." I called from where I was standing on my lawn.

Harry shot up; he had been lying underneath the flower bushes again, listening to the news.

Together, we walked to the park.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands," I said once we were on our swings. He complied and I placed my gift in his hands.

Before he even opened his eyes, he smiled for he already knew what the gift was.

"You can open them." I said.

He chuckled as he opened his eyes and saw his popsicle. I didn't know what to get him and I had been thinking a lot about the day we met.

"Thank you." He said as we snacked. "You know, I'm glad I met you Elle. You make this place tolerable."

I smiled, looking down at my own melting popsicle. "Well, I'm glad you agreed to be my friend."

A comfortable silence filled the air, as the only sound between us was the gentle creaking of the swings.

"Have you heard about Sirius Black?" He asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "He could be anywhere in Britain."

Soon, darkness descended and Harry wanted us to get home before the streetlights came on.

I left Harry to cross my lawn but he stopped me.

"Elle…" he called and I turned to face him, "Don't take any night strolls alone, alright? Come get me and I'll go with you…but I just…I don't want you out at night alone. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, Harry. I promise. I'll be careful."

"Thank you." He mumbled softly before going into his own house.

**What does it mean? Why would Harry ask me to be careful? Maybe it's because…he cares? Maybe he likes me? What if Harry likes me? That'd be…I'd like that…if Harry were to like me because I think I…I think I like Harry. Oh god.**

**- Elle**

**August 2****nd****, 199****3**

**Dear Journal,**

**If Harry likes me, he hasn't shown any other sign. But how could this have happened? How could I have a crush on him? I mean he's nice and smart and funny and well, kinda of awkward but…he's my best friend. But I like his smile and his green eyes. I like that I can talk to him and that he's protective. I like that when he smiles at me, it's a different sort of smile that he doesn't use for anything else. I like that when he's gone, even for just a bit, I miss him.**

**How could I like Harry?**

**- Elle**

**August 10****th****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry and I go for walks at night every now and then. I'm always the one who wakes him up to go. But it's because, when we walk, he holds my hand, as if he thinks that will protect me from whatever is hiding in the shadows on Privet Drive.**

**- Elle**

**August 22****nd****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry has left again. At least I got to say goodbye this time.**

I had heard shouting at the Dursleys' and I knew that Harry's Aunt Marge was over for dinner. When I heard the front door slam, I knew it was Harry.

"Harry, wait!" I called as I ran out my front door while pulling on a jacket.

He didn't stop.

"Harry!" I called again but he continued down the street. I watched as he made his way, pulling his trunk behind him, to the park. Sitting down on the curb, he rested his hands on his arms.

"Harry!" I called again. This time, he jumped up startled and thrust out a thin piece of wood threateningly in front of him.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing…just a…stick." He muttered as he placed it in the back pocket of his jeans. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be out-"

"Stop trying to be a hero, Harry. Are you running away?"

"No. I'm…" He sighed and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "Anyway, I'm not being a hero! Elle, is it so bad for me to be worried about you?"

We both jumped at the creaking of the swing set.

"Elle," he muttered, "Go home." He shiftly glanced at the darkness surrounding us.

"Harry-"

"Go home, Isabelle." He said darkly.

I looked away from him. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was not going to cry.

"Fine. Goodbye Harry." I said stiffly.

I heard him sigh. "Elle, wait." He sighed again. "I'm…I'm just worried. Okay? There's a murderer on the loose. He could be anywhere and I…I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know." I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "I'm going to go home now. But if you need anything…you know where I live." I said before giving him a hug and walking toward my home.

But once I was sure he couldn't see me, I hid and watched to see what he was going to do. If he could be worried about me, I could be worried about him.

He stood on the curb before something in the darkness scared him. He fell back and landed on the ground with that stick outstretched. Moments later, a bus appeared, almost out of nowhere.

In an instant, I had blinked and the bus and Harry were gone. I ran out onto the street and looked both ways but there was nothing in sight.

I heard a growl from the playground and turned around. There, a black, scruffy dog was standing, staring at me.

I shared the gaze for a moment. The dog looked forgotten and neglected. It looked alone, as if it had no family in the world.

"You're just like Harry," I whispered, "Aren't you?" The dog barked twice, as if it understood and then scampered off into the darkness.

**I'm positive that bus was there. But maybe I was just tired. Maybe it was just the darkness playing tricks on me. I'll ask Harry about it, when he writes.**

**- Elle**


	5. Chapter 5

_May 16__th__, 1998_

_Present Day_

_He remembered clearly how worried he was about her. A supposed mass-murderer was on the loose; he didn't want her out on the streets alone. But of course, she stayed hidden in the shadows that night, to make sure that he was safe._

_When he read her words, his heart beat painfully in his chest. He never knew it started then. She liked him or at least, she was beginning to. And of course, he ruined it. He pushed her away in the end. He should've been able to save her._

**September 3****rd****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry sent me a letter almost as soon he got to school. He had been with his friends, Ron (and his family) and Hermione since he left. He said that one of the new teachers had been a friend of his parents. I'm happy for Harry. Maybe this new teacher will be able to tell Harry about his parents. Even though he never mentions it, I know he misses them. I know he wishes he knew what they were like.**

**- Elle.**

**December 6****th****, 1993**

**Dear Journal,**

**Letters from Harry come about once a month, give or take a few days. I know he's busy. I know he doesn't have time to write letters to me every day.**

**In the letter from October, he said that people were patrolling the perimeters of the school because Sirius Black was seen near his school.**

**I hope Harry stays safe. I need Harry to stay safe. He has to come home.**

**- Elle.**

**February 18****th****, 1994**

**Dear Journal,**

**I'm so scared for Harry. His letters have been vague and cryptic. His last one said that Sirius Black wanted to kill him! But he didn't say anything else! I don't know what's going on. I don't know if he's alright. I'm worried. That boy is driving me crazy. I never knew I could be this afraid for anyone in my life.**

**- Elle.**

**May 30****th****, 1994**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry has written once in a while, to tell me he's okay. I want to know what's going on. I want to know what he's not telling me! We friends, best friends even. But I know he's keeping something huge from me. I want to know.**

**- Elle.**

**June 8****th****, 1994**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's home. I'm getting answers.**

I heard the sound of car doors shutting in the driveway of the house next door. I ran outside and tackled Harry to the ground with a hug. His relatives didn't notice.

"You're alright. You're alright. You're alright," I repeated joyfully as I hugged him tightly. I pulled away and slapped him on the chest. "Don't scare me again Harry Potter! What the hell happened at your school? And what about Sirius Black wanting-"

Harry's hand found my mouth, covering it and keeping me from speaking. "Not here." He mumbled as he pulled me toward the park.

Once we were on the swings, he was quiet.

"Well? What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" I asked impatiently.

Harry sighed. "It's complicated, Elle…I don't know how to explain it and I don't…I don't want to scare you away."

"Harry!" I said, horrified. "No matter what's going on, you can tell me anything. You're my best friend." I gently grabbed his hand, hoping to reassure him. "What's going on? You're making me worry, Harry. I want to know."

He looked into my eyes and held my hand more tightly in his. Harry took a deep breath. "Elle…I'm a…" He shut his eyes, blocking those gorgeous emerald orbs from my view. "I'm a…" He whispered, as if he was sharing a deep, dark secret. Harry sighed and pulled his hand from my grasp. "My parents didn't die in a car crash." He said finally as he

"What?" I asked, utterly confused, "Then how-"

"They were murdered." He said, refusing to look at me.

"Harry…I'm so sorry-"

"No, don't be. I didn't want to tell you because then you'd look at me like that. Like everyone else does."

I said nothing, knowing he would continue.

"The…_man_ who murdered them…people call him…Voldemort. For years, he gathered…_followers _and they became like a…like a…"

"Like a cult?" I supplied.

"Yeah...yeah, like a cult." He nodded in agreement. "If you didn't join him, he killed you. My parents wouldn't join him. So he…he killed them. And he…he tried to kill me too but I…I survived and that's how I got my scar."

"How does Sirius Black fit into this?" I asked as I dragged my feet in the dirt beneath the swing set.

"Sirius Black knew my parents," Harry replied. Finally he brought his eyes to meet mine and grabbed the hand he had rejected before. He spoke with more confidence now. "He was my father's best friend."

"No…" I muttered, aghast.

"And everyone thought…everyone still thinks that Sirius betrayed my father and my mother to…Voldemort. Everyone thinks he also murdered twelve other people and another one of my parents' friends, Peter Pettigrew." Harry hissed the name.

"When Sirius escaped from prison, everyone thought that he was coming to kill me. But he wasn't. Sirius is innocent and it was Peter who betrayed my parents. Sirius came to my school because he found out that Peter was hiding there. Sirius came to kill Peter for what he did. Instead, Peter escaped because I insisted that he be sent to jail instead. Everyone thinks that Sirius is still guilty so he has to stay on the run…but Elle," he held my hand tighter, as if to comfort himself with the embrace. "The worst part is, is that Sirius is my godfather. He's my family. And he even offered me a place to stay, once he's cleared."

"Harry, I'm sorry about your parents and Sirius." I whispered, pulling him into a hug. "But I know that Sirius will be cleared and you then you can go stay with him. That'll be great. Harry…I'm so happy for you. I know things will work out for you. You'll be happy. I know it."

He nodded and held me closer to him, however the movement caused us to fall off the swing we were precariously placed on.

We broke out into giggles as we lay side by side in the dirt.

"There's a bunny." I said a moment later, pointing to a cloud in the sky. Harry laughed.

"I see a…duck." He muttered.

"How?

"There's the beak." Harry pointed out.

"Those are definitely bunny ears!" I protested.

"No way!"

"You're so weird, Harry." I laughed, reaching over to shove him.

"I don't see a bunny." He mumbled, fighting to keep the smile off his face, which caused a smile to spread across mine.

"Things are going to be different, aren't they?" I asked as I turned over onto my side and propped my head up on my elbow, facing Harry.

"What do you mean?"

"When you go to live with Sirius…you won't live on Privet Drive anymore…things will be completely different. And I'm sure you'll forget about me-"

"No." He interrupted adamantly. "No. I will never forget you. No matter where I move to or where I go I will not forget you. I'd think you would forget me more easily than I ever could. I mean…you go to school nearby and so do all your friends and I am not the easiest person to contact when I'm at school. I would think-"

"Well then maybe you shouldn't think," I joked. "Because I doubt that I could ever forget you. I don't want to." I whispered. I leaned closer to him and his eyes searched my face questioningly. "Harry, I…I…I definitely see a bunny." I said pulling back quickly as I chickened out of telling him how I felt.

Harry looked at me through a mask of black hair that fell into his eyes. His eyes were narrowed and he looked at me as if he knew something was wrong.

"Harry?" I said quietly, realizing he'd left one part out of his story.

"Yes?" He asked as I gently reached out with my fingers and moved the hair out of his face.

"What about…Voldemort? What happened to him?"

"Some people think he's dead…some people hope he is. But he's alive. I'm sure of it. And-"

"And he wants to kill you." I said, closing my eyes at the terrible thought.

"He won't." Harry said. "I'll be fine."

"I hope." I whispered.

**I can't believe it. Harry's parents were murdered. And someone, this Voldemort (what the hell kind of name is that?) wants to kill Harry. But at least he finally has family, even if it is a wrongly-convicted murderer on the lamb. Something's better than nothing I guess.**

**I'm such a chicken. I wish I had told him.**

**- Elle.**

**June 20****th****, 1994**

**Dear Journal, **

**Harry appeared at my window last night. Luckily, I'm on the ground floor. We went for a walk in the park.**

**Just like last summer, Harry held my hand protectively, while I was hoping desperately that he didn't notice how sweaty my hands were from the contact.**

**He had a nightmare. Voldemort murdered someone else in his dream. Harry said that, in his dream, Voldemort was plotting how to "come alive again." I figured it was a metaphor. Because, even if this Voldemort is dead, he can't come alive again. You can only die once. It's not like someone can have seven lives.**

**- Elle.**

**August 20****th****, 1994**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry and I spent almost every day together. We didn't speak of Voldemort again but every now and then, I'd see him put his fingers to the scar on his forehead in pain. I didn't ask what was wrong, knowing he wouldn't tell me.**

**I know Harry told me about his parents, and his godfather, and Voldemort but I still feel like Harry's not telling me ****everything****. I feel like he doesn't trust me.**

**I've been having nightmares, since Harry told that someone wants him dead, that someone has already tried to kill him! In every nightmare, I wake up crying out his name because I dream that he dies.**

**I hope that Harry has a calm, safe year since he has left again. He said goodbye this time.**

"Elle!" I looked up from the book I had to read for school as I heard my name being called. I knew it was Harry, since no one else called me that.

He came dashing through my bedroom door. How he got into my house, I didn't know since the front door was locked.

"I'm leaving." He said. "My friends are here, picking me up, and of course the Dursleys don't like anyone, especially them, so I've got to go as soon as possible."

He pulled me up off my bed and into a hug before I even blink.

I hugged him back tightly, not wanting to let go.

"Promise me you'll be safe Harry."

"I swear I will," He promised into my hair.

I felt safe in that moment, in Harry's arms. I almost forgot, for just a moment, that someone wanted him dead. I almost forgot that I could lose him.

"You better be back here next summer. I'll…I'll kill you myself if you leave me here alone." I joked, trying to lighten the mood but failing horribly.

He smiled at me. "As if I could survive without these summers with you."

"Harry! Come on! We've got to leave!" I heard a boy's voice yell from the house next door.

"That'll be Ron." He said, letting go of me. "I'll see you next summer." He said before kissing my forehead and leaving out of the door.

**Harry kissed me! Ok, so it was on the forehead. But something is better than nothing! Maybe he likes me back. Harry knows just how to make me like him more every day.**

**When I watched him leave, I couldn't help but feel that something horrible was going to happen and that Harry and I would never be the same again.**

**I think I'm falling for him.**

**- Elle.**


	6. Chapter 6

So...no reviews on the last chapter... : (

_

* * *

__th__, 1998_

May 20

_Present Day_

_He hated lying to her. He tried to tell her the truth. He tried to tell her that he was a wizard, that he could be do magic. But she was sitting there before him with her brown hair blowing gently in the breeze, she was staring at him as if nothing else mattered, as if the brightest part of her day was sitting there talking to him. And he was realizing as he read her words, all she wanted was to know the truth about him._

_He should've let her in. But he was scared. What if she ran away from him? What if she was scared of him? What if she never wanted to speak to him again? And so, out of fear of losing her, he never told her the complete truth. He never told her how much he cared and how much he worried about her. Maybe if he had, she could've protected herself in the end._

**October 21****st****, 1994**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry wrote me about a competition that's happening at his school. He said somehow, he was entered to compete, despite an age restriction! So now he has to. He seemed nervous in his letters. Harry said people have died in this competition.**

**What kind of school let its students compete if they could die??**

**Why can't he just have a normal school year?**

**He could die! Which is what that Voldemort guy wants anyway.**

**It's so unfair! Why does all of this happen to Harry?**

**It's not right. He deserves to be happy. I wish I could make him happy.**

**- Elle.**

**December 29****th****, 1994**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry wrote me, telling me that he survived the first two challenges of the tournament. He said he was doing well. Harry didn't mention what the challenges were; and he didn't tell me what "well" meant. He could've lost an arm for all I know!**

**Harry wrote me about the ball that they had, for the tournament on Christmas. He mentioned a girl, named Cho, that he had wanted to ask to the ball. Harry said she was pretty. **

**And I wish she was mean and horrible and nasty so that I could hate her. I want to hate her because she's probably not a horrible girl, even though I hope she is. Harry wouldn't like a horrible girl.**

**Harry said he asked her to the ball but she was going with someone else, one of his opponents actually. Cho probably isn't horrible but she must be stupid to not agree to go to the ball with Harry. I mean, Harry's the most decent, funny, awkward, brave, loyal guy I've ever met. How can you do better than that?**

**I wish he didn't like her. Or at least, I wish he didn't tell me about it. Because now I know Harry doesn't care about me, like I care about him. He just sees me as a best friend and nothing more.**

**- Elle.**

**June 1****st****, 1995**

**Dear Journal,**

**I haven't heard from Harry in a while. I don't know what happened. I can barely concentrate in school since I'm exhausted. And I'm exhausted because I can't sleep without knowing whether or not he's dead. And the nightmares certainly aren't helping.**

**- Elle.**

**June 17****th****, 1995**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's home. Something happened to Harry at his school. And he won't tell me what. He's so different. His eyes aren't as bright and it's like everything has changed.**

**- Elle.**

**June 30****th****, 1995**

**Dear Journal,**

**I finally got Harry to tell me what happened.**

"Hey." I said sitting down in the swing next to him.

He nodded as he trailed his feet in the dirt while he swung back and forth.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing." He shrugged.

"Harry, come on-"

"Nothing happened!" He yelled at me as he forcefully stood up from the swing, sending it slamming into one of the metal poles holding up the swing set. "Nothing happened!" He repeated.

"Why are you lying to me Harry?" I asked quietly, as I stayed on my swing. "I don't understand why you don't trust me."

He sighed and messed up his hair absentmindedly. "Its not that I don't trust you-"

"Then why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"I can't-"

Catching Harry off guard, I propelled myself off my swing and tackled Harry to the ground. Straddling his waist, I held his face in my hands, making him look at me.

"People like knowing others can trust them, especially when that person is their best friend. Do you know what's it like to know that your best friend is hiding something from you? Do you know how much it hurts?"

I knew full well that Harry could, at any time, push me off of him and leave. I was just hoping he wouldn't.

Harry was quiet for a few minutes, as if he deciding whether or not to speak.

"Something happened during the last task. We had to make our way through a huge maze to the center where the tournament's trophy was. Of course there were obstacles in the maze to make it more difficult. Cedric, he was another competitor, and I got to the cup first, at the same time.

"We touched it at the same time and it took us-" He stopped and sighed. His green eyes bored into mine and I couldn't read the emotion in them. "It was a trap. Voldemort, you remember I told you about-"

"Of course." I interrupted. "How could I forget the name of person who wants you dead?"

"Yeah…" Harry nodded. "Well, Voldemort, he was waiting there for me. And he killed Cedric. Right in front of me."

"Oh Harry!" I cried and released my grip on him so that I could hug him. He returned the hug and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

But still he spoke and his warm breath tickled my skin. "We dueled- we fought and somehow I escaped. When I got out of the maze, with Cedric's body, nobody knew what happened at first. Everyone cheered but then…then the screams and the tears came…I can still hear them. I can still see Cedric's unseeing eyes staring up at me from where he lay on the ground. I keep dreaming about him. I told everyone what happened but they don't believe me…they don't believe that he's really alive.

"I believe you." I whispered.

"My friends believe me. The headmaster of my school, he believes me. Some do, but most don't. I'm afraid of what he'll do."

**I wish I could help him. I wish I could keep him safe.**

**- Elle.**

**July 12, 1995**

**Dear Journal,**

**Something happened to Dudley and the Dursleys are blaming Harry. He can't get out of his house because they've locked him in his room. Harry said he was lucky they didn't kick him out.**

**- Elle.**

**August 11****th****, 1995**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's gone again. He didn't say goodbye this time. He just disappeared. I haven't heard from him yet. I hope he's okay.**

**- Elle.**

_He couldn't say goodbye that summer. Moody, Lupin, Shacklebolt, Tonks, Vance, Doge, Diggle, Jones and Podmore had come to escort him to the Order of the Phoenix HQ and they wouldn't let him say goodbye. And once he was at HQ, they wouldn't let him send letters._

_He had figured that she'd find other ways to occupy her time. He was a fool who didn't know how much she cared._


	7. Chapter 7

[Chapter 7]

_May 23__rd_

_Present Day_

_He was preoccupied by ever consuming thoughts of Voldemort. Some days, that summer, he felt like there was no more room in his mind for anything else or anyone else. His thoughts revolved around Voldemort. But somehow, he always had a little piece of his mind, locked away, secured just for thoughts of her._

_He worried about when Voldemort would appear or when he would start killing again. He worried who he would kill…he had worried that he knew about her._

_Every day he was away at school, he knew his friends were safe…for the moment because Dumbledore was there to protect them all. But back on Privet Drive, she was alone._

_Some days, he wanted her to forget him. He wanted her to find a safer friend. He wanted her to forget him and to never think of him again._

_But some days he was selfish. Some days, he wished she was alone. He wished that she wouldn't find someone to replace him when he was away. He didn't want her to find a new best friend. Sometimes, he wanted her to think about him and to care about him the way that he thought and cared about her._

_But he was a fool. He was blinded so desperately by his conviction that she didn't care for him, that he didn't see how much she truly did care._

_Sometimes, he thought her saw caring in her eyes when she spent time with him during the summer. Sometimes he wished she loved him. But he convinced himself otherwise._

_Now he could see, all she'd wanted was for him to trust her. All she'd wanted was for him to stop telling her about girls like Cho and to admit how he felt about her…not that she had any idea how much he cared for her._

**September 15****th****, 1995**

**Dear Journal,**

**I don't hear much from Harry. But it's understandable. He has a lot to deal with. I got his first letter of the school year today. His two best friends, Ron and Hermione, were prefects. And Harry's jealous of Ron because he expected to be named prefect.**

**Personally, I think its good that Harry wasn't made a prefect because he seems to have a quite a lot to deal with already. He doesn't need anymore pressure.**

**Harry also wrote that there was a new teacher at his school, named Umbridge. He said she wasn't much of a teacher.**

**- Elle.**

**January 3****rd****, 1996**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry wrote me again. He keeps having these dreams. They're haunting him. He doesn't know what they mean. **

**Ron's dad was attacked. And Harry feels responsible. He wasn't clear at all. Just that he feels like it's his fault or something. But I know Harry. I know he's good.**

**Harry's friend Hermione apparently was able to convince him to start a club for fighting. It's a secret club, essentially illegal at his school due to that Umbridge lady. He said he is teaching his friends how to fight, so that they can fight Voldemort and his followers.**

**Cho is in the club. Harry wrote me that they kissed. I didn't think it hurt that much to know that they had kissed. I mean I knew he liked her but why? Why can't he see that I am here? That I'm practically waiting for him to notice me as anything other than a friend?**

**- Elle.**

**May 28****th****, 1996**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry hasn't written in a while. In his last letter, he said that his club had been discovered and since they were operating under the name "Dumbledore's Army," his headmaster took ownership of the club. Thus, the headmaster had to flee police authorities, leaving Umbridge open to become headmistress of Harry's school.**

**Harry hates her. He makes her sound like an odious woman, I don't know how he stands her.**

**He wrote that he had a date on Valentine's Day with Cho, but that it didn't go too well. I feel horrible that I'm happy about his failed date. I want him to be happy. I just wish he would be happy with me.**

**Harry has only written me three times this year. He's been gone almost ten months and I've only gotten three letters?**

**I hate how pathetic I am when it comes to Harry. I hate that I care about him more than he ever could and ever will care about me.**

**I hate that I worry. I hate that I spend so much time thinking of him. I hate that no other boy can compare to him.**

**- Elle.**

**June 16****th****, 1996**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's godfather was murdered.**

"Harry!" I exclaimed happily once I saw him standing outside my window. "I've missed you- What's wrong?" I asked immediately as I took in the look on his face.

He said nothing. He only stared at me with lifeless eyes.

"Harry you're scaring me." I whispered, for fear of waking up my parents. "Harry, please…" I pleaded. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"Come on." He said finally, gesturing that I should go out the window. "Come with me to the playground."

Needing no more persuasion, I clumsily climbed out the window.

"Harry-"

"Just wait until we get there, okay?"

I nodded and Harry took my hand as we walked quietly to the park.

We stopped between the swings and the slide and laid down in the grass.

"There was a fight." Harry began quietly and suddenly. My heart pounded in my chest as needless worry filled my heart. I knew Harry was alright, physically. But I didn't know if he could handle losing someone else.

"At first, it was just a group of my friends fighting Voldemort's followers and they were winning. And then the Order came…the Order is the Order of the Phoenix…they're a group of people who are dedicated to fight Voldemort. And they were helping us beat back _his_ followers. Then it happened-" He stopped. And I knew he needed a moment to gather himself.

Gently I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"My godfather was fighting his cousin, Bellatrix…and she…she killed him."

"Harry-"

"And I stood there, waiting for him to pop back into my view and he just kept me waiting and waiting and he's never done that. I was so angry."

"Harry," I whispered gently, hoping he would stop as tears fell from his eyes for his lost family.

"I was angry at her." He said. "And I ran after her. And then…and then he appeared."

"Voldemort?" I filled in.

Harry nodded. "He's back. He's back. He's back." Harry kept repeating. "No one is safe now. He's going to kill everyone. And I have to stop him."

"Harry, you're just a kid!"

"I know that!" He yelled, shoving himself. "I know I'm a kid and I know its impossible but I have to! Voldemort killed my parents, Elle! And he's the reason my godfather is dead! I have no family! I have to stop him because he chose me! People create their own enemies and that's what he did! If he had chosen to kill Neville's parents instead of mine, Neville would be in my place! But he didn't. Voldemort gave me this task when he murdered my parents! I have to destroy him or else…or else everyone is screwed."

"Harry-"

"Elle…he's back and I can't keep everyone safe."

**He has so much pressure on him. I don't know how he handles it. He feels like he has to save the world but he doesn't. He acts like its not enough for him just to be Harry. But it is. Its more than enough.**

**Harry's lost everyone now. His godfather was all that was left. And this Voldemort took that away. Harry will kill him. But I don't think Harry is a killer. He doesn't have it in him to become like Voldemort.**

**- Elle.**

**June 21****st****, 1996**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry worries about me. I wish he wouldn't. I'm the one who has a reason to worry, not him.**

"I'm worried about you," I whispered one night, as we found ourselves at the playground, yet again.

"I'm more worried about you."

"What?" I asked incredulously as we sat up. "Why are you worried about me? **You're **the one with a psycho murderer/mob boss after you! Not _me_!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, but you're friends with me. He could know…he could…he could hurt you to get to me," Harry replied as he refused to look at me.

"I can protect myself Harry." I insisted.

"No you can't!" Harry yelled, standing up. "He could kill you in an instant, before you even know what happened. If he ever finds out about you, he could torture you until you lose your mind!"

"Harry-"

"I'm sorry." He whispered harshly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Harry, stop apologizing."

"Why don't you understand? I am not safe. I am not a good friend. Every moment that you've spent with me, I'm just putting you in more danger…when he finds out about you-"

"You don't need to worry about me!"

"Someone has to!" Harry yelled, turning to face me. "Elle, you're the closest thing I have to family. I've known you longer than anyone of my school friends. I told you things I haven't told them. They know what they're up against. But you…I can't lose you because of this. I can't let him find you."

"Harry, please. I know you're worried but…I…I don't want to be just another thing you have to worry about. You're under enough pressure."

**I wish Harry would worry because he cares. I don't want to be family. I want Harry to care for me beyond friendship.**

**- Elle.**

**July 29, 1996**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry and I hung out almost every day. Sometimes, I felt like he forgot his troubles when we were together. I felt like he was truly happy. I was glad to make him smile so carefree-ly.**

**Harry left again. A few days ago, when I was walking home alone from the playground, I saw a man standing before the Dursleys' front door.**

**He knocked and waited patiently for the door to be opened. I walked across my own lawn to my front door, the older man with a very long white beard turned to look at me.**

**Behind half-moon glasses, his blue eyes gazed at me. He smiled at me and I felt as if he understood everything about me, everything about Harry and I. It was unnerving and yet comforting at the same time.**

**That night, I knew Harry left.**

**- Elle.**


	8. Chapter 8

[Chapter 8]

_May 30, 1998_

_Present Day_

_He was so preoccupied during his sixth year. He barely wrote to her. But he thought of her. Between following Malfoy and hating Dean, he worried about Elle. He knew that if anything were to happen to her while he was away at school, he wouldn't know. His uncle and aunt certainly wouldn't write him to let him know._

_And so he worried. But he couldn't bring himself to write much. He figured that she wouldn't mind. He didn't think that she anxiously awaited his letters as temporary guarantees of his safety. He didn't know. But then again, as he was learning while he read her diary, he didn't know as much about her as he thought he did._

_This was one of the years he'd been dreading reading about. He didn't want to know what she wrote about what he did at the end of the summer. He didn't want to know how much he hurt her. He had seen her face when he had fed her his excuse. He didn't want to think of it again._

_But he had to. He had to know. He had to finish no matter how much it hurt. He owed her at much._

**December 29****th****, 1996**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's written once since he left. But I guess he's just been busy. Its understandable.**

**Okay, I'm lying. It's not understandable. He didn't even send a card for my birthday. He didn't even mention it. Maybe we've just been friends for too long, maybe we don't see each other enough, maybe we've just drifted apart. Maybe Harry doesn't care about me anymore.**

**Harry was made captain of his sports team. He seemed happy about that. He said that his best friend, Ron, was on the team and so was Ron's sister Ginny.**

**He mentioned that Ginny was dating a boy from his year, Dean. Harry sounded jealous. First Cho and now Ginny. Does he not know I don't want to hear about them? I don't want to know about what girl he's chasing?**

**Harry wrote a little about how Ron and Hermione aren't dating even though its obvious how much they care for each other. And I just want to know if he can see how much Hermione cares about Ron and how much Ron cares about Hermione, why can't he see that I've been here all along, just waiting for him to fall for me?**

**And I know that sounds so depressing and so desperate but I've never met anyone like Harry. And I don't want to meet anyone like Harry. But that doesn't matter. Because I know Harry doesn't trust me. He won't tell me the whole truth. He's lying. Every moment he spends with me, I know he's deceiving me and I want nothing more than for him to just tell me the truth. But still he won't. I doubt he ever will.**

**Harry also wrote that he's been having meetings with his headmaster, Dumbledore, about Voldemort. He said that he's learning about Voldemort's past so that he can defeat him. But Harry's not a killer. He doesn't have it in him. Harry will find another way to defeat Voldemort, he has to. Because I just can't escape the feeling that if Harry murders Voldemort, even though it would be completely just, I know Harry change. He won't be the same.**

**Harry wrote for me to be careful. He said that he didn't want anything to happen to me because I'm his ****best friend.****That's not a good enough reason. Maybe if Voldemort kills me, then Harry might decide that I was more than a best friend. Maybe then he'll care like I want him to care. Because right now, I know he doesn't. Not at all.**

**- Elle.**

**June 16****th****, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry is home. And he's lost someone else.**

"Harry?" I asked quietly as I approached the swing set.

He didn't look up as I sat down next to him.

"I didn't know you were home." I said when he didn't respond. "Harry?"

"I have to kill him, Elle."

"Harry-"

"No…I _want_ to kill him." He muttered darkly. "I want him to suffer. And…and _Snape_," Harry's knuckles turned white as he clenched the metal chains of the swing. "How could he? He's a….he's a coward."

"What happened?"

Harry stood up forcefully and the swing reeled back. "Voldemort's followers came into my school. There was a fight. And Dumbledore and I weren't there because we were looking for a Horc- a way to beat Voldemort. When we got back…Malfoy…he was the one who let the Death Eaters into the school. And when he couldn't…when he couldn't kill Dumbledore, Snape did it for him," Harry said through clenched teeth. "He was supposed to be on our side!" He yelled as he forcefully threw the swing against one of its metal support poles.

I quickly jumped off my swing to avoid getting hit.

"Harry!" I yelled as he began kicking the swing set.

"He's a coward!" Harry kept saying as he kicked the swing set again and again.

"Harry, stop." I pleaded as I put my hand on his shoulder.

Harry jerked away from me. "You don't understand!" He yelled at me.

"Because you won't let me!" I yelled back as I made him turn toward me.

I knew I couldn't say anything to change what happened. I couldn't do anything to make him feel better. So I did the only thing I could.

I pulled Harry into my arms and hugged him. He tried to push me any, but I wouldn't let him. And soon he gave in and wrapped his arms around me in return.

**It's not right. This isn't fair. Harry shouldn't have to go through this. He doesn't deserve this.**

**I wish I could help him but he won't let me try. He won't let me in.**

**- Elle.**

**June 23****rd****, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**I don't know what's going on with Harry. But yesterday, something happened.**

"I know I'm a horrible friend."

I stopped walking and turned to face him. "Harry-"

"No. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I know its true and I know that sometimes, you think I'm a bad friend too."

"No I don't."

"Stop lying, Elle." He said with a sad smile. "I barely wrote to you all year-"

"You were busy-"

"And I never sent you a birthday present. I never even wished you a happy birthday."

"You don't have to-"

"Here." He said, holding out a small box to me.

Slowly I opened the box. Inside was a thin silver chain.

"For the key." He said simply. Harry had been with me a few days ago when I had broken the old chain that held the key to my diary.

"Oh Harry…" I muttered. "Thank you." I pulled the key out of my pocket and threaded it onto the chain. "Will you…?" I asked, holding out the necklace.

"Er- sure." He said with a faint pink appearing on his cheeks. He moved to stand behind me. Gently, he moved my hair away from the nape of my neck. He fumbled for a few minutes before he closed the clasp.

I put my hand to the key and turned around to face him. "Thank you." I said quietly as I stared up at him.

"You're welcome." He smiled down at me softly. Slowly, I could feel myself leaning closer to him and he was leaning closer to me.

Suddenly, he hissed his pain and both of his hands flew to clutch his scar.

"Harry?" I asked as he sat down on the sidewalk. "Harry, what's wrong?" Worry filled me. What was wrong?

Harry's face glistened with sweat and when he opened his eyes to look at me, I swear they were scarlet.

"Harry, please…What's wrong?" I whispered. But he said nothing, he only smiled. But it was cold. It wasn't a smile I'd ever seen from Harry. It was a cruel, malicious smile.

"Harry?" I reached out to him but he flinched away.

He stood up quickly from the sidewalk with his back to him. Panting, he whispered over and over, "No…no…no!"

"Harry!" I yelled and tried yet again to reach out for him but he slipped out of my grasp.

"I've got to go home." He mumbled without meeting my gaze. And with that, Harry left me standing on the sidewalk, watching him go.

**Harry's scar has hurt before but that was something new. I've never seen Harry like that before. He looked frightened. And the way he acted, it was like he couldn't get away from me fast enough.**

**- Elle.**

**June 28****th****, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry's avoiding me.**

**- Elle.**

**July 2****nd****, 1997**

**Today, I made Harry talk to me. I managed to pull him from the Dursleys' home, literally. Once we got to the park, we finally began our much needed conversation.**

"Harry, why have you been avoiding me?"

"I'm not-"

"Harry, please. Every time I've come to the Dursleys' you said you were busy. What could you have been doing? You haven't come by. You won't even look me in the eyes now! What's going on? What did I do-"

"You didn't do anything!" He insisted.

"Oh really, then why are you avoiding me like the plaque? What's this about?"

"Its about what everything to do with me is about! You didn't do anything!"

"Voldemort. This has to do with Voldemort?"

"Yes! He knows about you. **He knows!** He _saw_ you. Through my eyes. **I let him**…." He mumbled crazily as he brushed his fingers through his hair forcefully.

"Harry, you're not making any sense!"

"Elle, he knows about you. Before…before he didn't but now…now he does! He'll hurt you! I know he will. I know it. And I can't…I have to go soon. And I won't be here in case-"

"Harry, calm done!"

"How can I be calm?" He yelled. "If he hurts you, it will be my fault!"

"Why would he bother with me, Harry? Think about!" I logically, trying to calm him down. However, that didn't work.

"I have thought about it! Its one of the only things I think about. I worry about you just as much as I worry about Ron and Hermione and Ginny! Maybe more because you don't know what he can do. You haven't seen it! I can tell you he's murdered all these people but you won't understand unless you've felt the effects like they have. You're not safe because of me!"

"Harry!" I screamed, grabbing his attention by grabbing his face firmly in between my hands. "Nothing is going to happen to me." I said slowly as I looked him in his eyes.

"How do you-"

"Trust me. He has no reason to hurt me. He will gain nothing. I'm nobody."

"That's not true, Elle." Harry whispered as he brought up his hands to hold mine, which still hadn't left his face.

"Why?"

"I care about you."

**He cares about me. But how much? That's all I need to know. **

**- Elle.**

**July 14****th****, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**Oh my god.**

"Harry!" I called with a smile on my face.

He laughed. "Yes, Elle?"

"Come on, we're going to the park."

"Elle-" But I didn't wait for him to respond as I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the park.

"Here." I said, handing him one of the popsicles I'd been hiding in my hand.

"How long were you holding these?" Harry asked with a chuckle.

"The five minutes it took us to get to the park. My hand's numb." I said with a shrug.

Harry rolled his eyes playfully at me. "Here." He said grabbing my hand.

I looked away from him, wishing once again, that he wouldn't notice how sweaty my palm was.

Gently, I pulled my hand from his grip, "Thanks." I muttered, slightly flushed.

Harry only laughed at me.

I reached my hand up to push back his hair from his forehead. With one finger, I gently traced his scar. Harry's eyes slid closed but for only a moment.

His hand shot up to grasp mine. "I'm fine." He replied to my unasked question.

I sent him a weak smile. He knew I'd been worried about him.

"I promise." He whispered.

I nodded and had to look away from him. He said he was fine but that did nothing to ease my fears.

"Elle-"

"Harry-"

"Sorry-"

"Sorry-"

"You go first-"  
"You first-"

We both chuckled. My eyes found their way from Harry's eyes to where he still held my hand.

"Um."

"Harry…" I whispered as all thoughts seemed to disappear from my mind.

And everything else seemed to fade away as Harry and I leaned closer toward each other. We got closer and closer until finally we kissed. And nothing else mattered.

**His lips tasted like the cherry popsicle he'd had.**

**Somehow as the summer days passed us by these past years, I'd managed to fall for Harry Potter.**

**- Elle.**

**July 19****th****, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**Things have been awkward since the kiss. I don't know what to say to him. And he doesn't seem to be sure either. So I've decided, I'm just going to tell him how I feel. The next time I see him, I'm just going to tell him.**

**I mean, he kissed me, so he has to feel the same way.**

**- Elle.**

**July 20****th****, 1997**

**Dear Journal, **

**I was wrong about Harry. I was wrong about everything.**

"Harry, I need to tell you something."

"Me too," He said quietly but he didn't move his gaze from his feet.

"You go first then," I said smiling at him. Maybe it would be easier if he said it first.

He sighed. My stomach started twisting instantly. "Elle…I shouldn't have…It was wrong of me to…I shouldn't have kissed you. I have…I have a girlfriend."

"Oh…" I said softly because there wasn't anything else for me to say. I was wrong about him.

"Elle, please I really am sorry-"

"Don't be stupid Harry." I muttered. And this time, it was my turn to not look at him. I couldn't bare it. "You've got nothing to be sorry for." And it was true. He never said anything about caring about me as more than a friend. He never said it was anything more. "That's…that's great that you have a girlfriend because…I just wanted to make sure that you…you knew that…that…kiss…didn't mean anything to me…and I didn't…I didn't want it to ruin our friendship." I said in a trembling voice. "Because…because it was just…practice…there's this…this boy that…" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, "There's a boy that I care about and I'd never kissed anyone before and I didn't…I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of him."

"Oh…well that's-"

"What's her name?" I interrupted, trying to keep my voice light.

"Elle-"

"I wanna know…we're best friends, right?" I wrapped my arms around to keep warm in the cold summer breeze. "We tell each other _everything_…What's her name?"

"Ginny."

"That's um Ron's sister, right?"

Harry nodded.

**I should've known. God, I'm so stupid. I should've seen it, especially when he wrote me about Ginny and Dean. Everything I'd wanted seemed so close a few days ago but now, I know it's an impossibility.**

**- Elle. **

**July 25****th****, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**Harry said goodbye tonight.**

"Elle, I'm leaving."

"What do you mean?" We hadn't spoken much since the other day.

"Soon. Er-…I don't know when…but there's something going on…and once I…once I turn seventeen, I can't stay on Privet Drive…I can't come back…not for a while. _But I will_…I promise."

"Why?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm sick that excuse Harry! Are my best friend or not? Why won't you tell me the truth? I know you've been keeping whatever it is a secret from me for years."

"You won't understand-"

"I understand that you can't trust me. I thought for the past few years…we've been best friends…but I guess I was wrong. You don't trust me."

"Elle-"

"Don't call me that." I snapped. "Why don't you just…go…go…tell all your little secrets to Ginny…you probably trust her…"

"She…she…" Harry struggled to articulate.

"She already knows." I assumed.

"Yes." He confirmed.

"So you have to leave…although you won't tell me why…I know that you won't come back to Privet Drive to visit your aunt and uncle, you hate them. You don't have a reason to come back."

"You're my reason."

"That's not a good reason." I scoffed.

"Elle…"

"Harry…don't do this…don't lie to me anymore…" My voice trembled. "You have another life at school. And these past few summers, they've been great…but they've just been one small part of your life…one that couldn't have brought you much happiness. You met a nice girl at your school. You have a horrible family here. You've probably got an amazing surrogate family there. You've got nothing here."

"I've got you here."

"No you don't."

"Elle-"

"Don't call me that!" I screamed. "You have nothing here!" I repeated, throwing my hands in the air. "All you've got is…crazy relatives…a bully for a cousin and his idiotic friends…and you've got some insignificant next door neighbor who was an idiot herself for…for ever thinking that kiss-…You've got a stupid girl living next door who...who really _really_ cared about you. And all she got in return was lies. There's more to your story then what you've told me. I know it. You say you'll come back…but I don't want you to…I don't want to care about you anymore…I can't…I can't handle it. I can't take lovin- I know you'll only ever see me as your neighbor.

"Elle, what are you talking about?" He pleaded with me.

God, he was dense. He couldn't see. He couldn't tell how much I cared/

"I…I care about you, I don't know how you could ever think otherwise. I've told you all I can without risking you…running away in terror. The things that are going on in my life…they're dangerous…and Voldemort and his followers…they'll hurt anyone who means anything to me. They've killed so many already. Ginny can protect herself, though, but I still have to hurt her because I'm going to break up with her. And then there's you…these past summers…I couldn't…I couldn't let myself get closer to you than friends because they'd come after you…and now he knows about you. You can't protect yourself against them…and I can't be here to protect you."

"You don't have to protect me."

"You don't understand!"

"Does it matter?" I asked. "Whether or not I understand, you've leaving either way. It doesn't matter if I understand or if Voldemort knows about me. You're leaving Harry. Nothing's changing that. So just say goodbye already."

"Elle, please. I'll come back."

"No, you won't. If you lose, you'll be dead and then well…you for sure can't come back here. And if you win…there's nothing here for you."

"Elle-"

"Who knows how long it will be. Who knows if I'll still be here. Who knows if I'll remember you at all. Maybe I'll just remember you as the boy who lived next door to me. Nothing more. Though I guess that's all we've ever been. Just neighbors."

"Elle," his eyebrows were furrowed as if he was deep in thought. "I hurt you." He said it, as if it was the biggest newsflash.

"No, Harry," I said, fighting to keep my voice from cracking, "For you to hurt me, I'd have to care about you."

**I walked away from Harry today, without a goodbye. And I know, in the pit of my stomach, I'll never see him again.**

**- Elle.**


	9. Chapter 9

This is the second to last chapter.

* * *

_June 2__nd__, 1998_

_Present Day_

_This was it. This was the end. After this, there would be nothing to remember her by. He had no pictures, no school days full of laughter to recall. He had only his memories. He didn't know whether that was enough to sustain him._

_After these final entries, there was nothing else. But more than anything else, he wanted more. He wanted her._

**September 21st, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**There have been no letters from Harry.**

**Not that I really expected there to be any.**

**He's off in the world somewhere with Ginny.**

**I'd say I don't miss him, but if I can't be honest with myself…and a book of bound paper, who can I be honest with?**

**- Elle.**

**November 1st, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**There's this boy at my school. His name's Shawn. I've known him since I was a little kid, even longer than I've known Harry.**

**Shawn and I never really talked much before this year. I never really knew how funny he was. He sort of keeps to himself, like I do, at school. But he's not just funny. He's smart too. He was able to help me ****finally**** understand my Calculus class.**

**Sometimes when I'm with Shawn, I get that feeling that I used to get around Harry. It's a lot weaker though, and it doesn't happen a lot, but its there.**

**Last night, my school had a dance for All Hallow's Eve. Shawn asked me to go with him and I did.**

**I had a great time. And for the first night since Harry left, I didn't think of him once.**

**- Elle.**

**December 25th, 1997**

**Dear Journal,**

**Shawn and I have been going on dates ever since the dance in October.**

**Last night, he asked me to be his girlfriend.**

**I said yes, without any hesitation.**

**I really really care about him.**

**- Elle.**

**January 16th, 1998**

**Dear Journal,**

**Ever since I met Harry, everyone I met reminded me of him in some way, whether it be in looks or personality, but not Shawn.**

**Shawn has this gorgeous light brown hair, unlike Harry's black hair.**

**Shawn's hair is a bit long but not messy at all, unlike Harry's.**

**Shawn's eyes are hazel, and they can put Harry's green eyes right out of my mind.**

**Unlike Harry, Shawn tells me everything.**

**- Elle.**

**March 9th, 1998**

**Dear Journal,**

**Shawn loves me.**

**When he told me, at first I was afraid that I couldn't say it back but then I found that, with ease, the words just fell from my lips.**

**In the few months that I'd been spending with him, I'd fallen for him and his goofy charm.**

**I love Shawn.**

**But some days, more often then I'd like to admit, I find myself wishing it was Harry holding me.**

**Like today, for one truly horrible moment, I'd wished it was Harry telling me he loved me.**

**Some days, I don't think of Harry at all. And then other days, I can't get him off my mind.**

**Some days I want to forget.**

**Other days, I just want to remember.**

**- Elle.**

**May 2nd, 1998**

**Dear Journal,**

**Yesterday I went over to Shawn's house.**

**We were sitting on his lawn when he went inside to get a snack for us.**

**He came back outside with two cherry popsicles. I haven't had them since Harry left.**

**I had to leave. I couldn't stay there with Shawn when all I'm thinking about is Harry.**

**I know the only way I could ever be happy dating Shawn is if I never met Harry.**

**I wish it was Harry who told me he loved me, who danced with me. I wish it was Harry who kissed me, who told me everything about himself. I wish it was Harry who was around.**

**And now I know that no matter what happens, I can never fully forget Harry.**

**I just wish he would've t**

_That was it. That was the end of the entry. That was all she wrote in her journal. That was all he got. In the end all he was left with was her unfinished thought._

_It was more than he deserved._

_And then __**it**__ happened._

_He didn't want it to be over. This was what he'd be dreading. The ending, __**any**__ ending. But most of all, he was dreading __**this**__ ending. The ending where tear drops dotted her final page. This ending where he knew he had ruined her life. The ending where he knew he hurt her. That was the last thing he'd wanted to do._

_A glimmer of hope shot up inside of him. Maybe she just wrote on the next page by accident. Maybe she stopped writing for a moment to get a snack and then…when she came back she wrote on the next page. Maybe it was an impossibility, but it was all he had._

_Turning the page quickly, careful not to rip it, he stopped moving. The pages were blank._

_But lying on the right page of the open journal was a single, silver, shining, hair-like substance._

_It was a memory. Her final memory._

_He stared down at it in confusion. The only way that memory could be there was if a wizard or witch had been with Elle with it happened. Harry apparated out of the room quickly._

_He appeared in Dumbledore's office. The enchantments protecting the castle against people apparating in or out were down while the castle was being restored._

_The deceased Headmaster's Pensieve was not sitting on his desk. Instead, Harry found it in the cabinet where he had first seen Dumbledore pull it from._

_Locking the door to the Headmaster's…well __**now**__ the Headmistress' office with his wand, he turned back to the stone basin before him._

_Taking out the diary, he flipped open to the memory. Carefully, he poured the memory into the Pensieve._

_Before he leaned in, he had to take a deep breath to steady himself. He was finally going to learn how it happened._

_Leaning into the Pensieve, he allowed himself to be pulled down into the memory._

_He landed in her room and saw her immediately._

She was scribbling in the journal, with a frown on her face.

He knew she must be writing her last entry.

A small smile found its way upon his face. It'd been so long since he smiled, it felt foreign to him.

He let his eyes devour her image. It had been so long since he had seen her. It almost hurt to look at her.

Elle pushed her journal away from herself and looked away from it. He froze for a moment as her eyes met his.

He tricked himself into believing she could actually see him.

"Elle," He whispered. "Elle," he called her name again. But she continued to stare at, or rather _through_ him.

With a shaking hand, he reached out to run his fingers down her cheek but his hand only went through her.

The moment dragged him back to reality. She could not see him. She could not feel his presence.

Elle sighed as she glared down at the journal just before she threw her pen across the room.

She brushed her hair back from her face as he knew she did when she was frustrated.

"Why couldn't you just _tell_ me everything?" She asked the journal, as if it would give her answers.

"I thought you would be afraid of me. I didn't want you to run away." He whispered as he stepped closer to her.

"Why didn't you care?" She questioned.

"I did, I swear I did." He pleaded for her to believe him. But he knew she couldn't hear.

"Why did every bad thing have to happen to you? Why did you have to lose your parents and your godfather?"

"Why did I have to lose you?" He asked in return.

"Why did I have to fall for you?" She was getting louder now. "Why did you have to hurt me?" His heart ached as he saw the tears brimming in her eyes. They soon fell onto the journal's open pages. "_Why_?" She whispered.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Elle. Not you. Not ever." He knew it was pointless. He knew there was no reason to explain, she couldn't hear him. There was no way for her to hear.

But he felt that he had to tell her. He had to say it, just in case she _could_ hear.

"Why couldn't you just be a neighbor to me? That's all I am to you!"

"No!" He shook his hand fiercely. "You're more. You've always been more!"

"Why did you have live next to me? Why couldn't you talk to the neighbor who lives at Number 2 Privet Drive? Why me?" She cried out.

"Because I'm not the Boy Who Lived to you! I'm just the boy who lived next door. I was no one. I couldn't tell you because I didn't want that to go away. And I'm glad I met you. I'm glad I know you. But I didn't want to hurt you! Elle please-" He reached out to touch her face but she put her head into her hands.

"I could be happy with Shawn, if it wasn't for you," she mumbled.

"I don't want you to be happy with Shawn!"

"You could be happy with it wasn't for…if it wasn't for Voldemort." She mumbled. "Then you never would've met me," she concluded.

She said his name with no fear in her voice because she didn't know. She didn't know so she simply said his name.

_She said his name._

Harry realized what was going to happen a moment before it did.

"No!" Harry yelled, knowing what was going to happen to her. **She had said his name.**

If only he hadn't been so stupid and told her, or if only he had smart enough to tell her everything.

He heard the telltale _pop_ of apparition and he moved to stand between her and them.

Two Death Eaters appeared in her room. Elle screamed.

The sound rang in Harry's ears.

Harry's blood boiled as he recognized her. The tall, black haired Death Eater smiled cruelly down at the Elle, who was backing up into the corner of her room without realizing it.

"We're on Privet Drive," the second Death Eater murmured to Bellatrix. He realized that this man must be Rodolphus, Bellatrix's husband.

This was where Bellatrix had been, mere hours before her death, doing her master's bidding to the last.

"Who do we have here?" She said with malice evident in her tone.

Elle said nothing, she only stared with wide eyes at the two before her.

"Well?" Bellatrix snapped.

"E-Elle." The girl stuttered out. The scene was breaking Harry's heart; she was so afraid.

"_E-Elle_." Bellatrix taunted in a falsetto voice. "Where is he, _Elle_?" Bellatrix yelled shrilly.

"Who-"

"Crucio!" Bellatrix screamed

Harry couldn't look away at from Elle who, once the Unforgivable Curse hit her, crumpled down onto her bed, screaming in agony.

"Stop! No!" Harry screamed futilely, knowing there was no way to stop what had already happened.

Bellatrix lifted the curse, leaving Elle crumpled in a ball on her bed, panting heavily.

Harry remembered his first Crucio Curse. He remembered the excruciating pain that felt like knives stabbing him.

"Where is Potter?"

"_Harry_? I don't know-"

"Crucio!"

Elle's screams filled the room again as Bellatrix smiled at her pain.

Bellatrix continued with the curse even as Elle spasmed off the bed and fell to the floor with a thud.

"I don't know where he is!" Elle screamed as she wrapped her arms around herself in a feeble attempt to protect herself.

Bellatrix lifted the curse.

"Oh my god." Elle panted out as she shook on the floor. "I don't know where he is. He never told me anything." She whimpered.

"She's a muggle," Rodolphus muttered as he watched the scene before him. "She doesn't know anything."

Bellatrix smiled, as if she saw an opportunity her husband didn't.

She knelt down to Elle's level and with one long finger, she lifted up Elle's head to meet her eyes.

"He never told you." She breathed out with a malicious smile.

"W-who ar-are you-ou?" Elle stuttered out as she trembled.

"Potter put you in danger, the fool. And then he just left you."

"Stop it." Elle muttered.

"He never told you. He lied to you."

"No!" Elle protested, but Bellatrix continued as she gained pleasure from tormenting the broken girl before her.

"He doesn't care about you." She said with a smile. "If he did, why would he leave you alone to be hurt?"

"Stop!"

Bellatrix's hand tightly grabbed Elle's chin, making her stare at her.

"He never told you what he can do. He's a wizard. He can do magic."

"Magic?" Elle muttered. "He…A _wizard_?"

Bellatrix smiled wider still. "Such a stupid girl." She muttered. "You fell in love, it's written upon your face. You fell for a boy who lied to you."

"Shut up!" Harry screamed. "Shut up! Don't talk to her! Don't touch her!" He took a swipe at Bellatrix but it did nothing. His hand went through her like it was made of air.

"Don't worry, you'll see him soon," Bellatrix murmured.

Elle said nothing; she only glared at the woman before her.

"Your beloved Harry will die soon enough. He cannot beat the Dark Lord."

"Shut up! You're wrong. You're wrong!"

Bellatrix slapped Elle.

"Stupid girl." She muttered before standing up and moving away from the crumpled heap on the floor.

Bellatrix shared a look with Rodolphus before they both pointed their wands at her.

"Crucio!" They yelled together.

"You will die today, _Elle_." Bellatrix called. "Your half-blood love will soon be with you!"

Elle could do nothing to protect herself.

And Harry could do nothing to protect her; he never could.

"Elle!" He screamed as he watched the tears stream down her face. "_Elle_." He whispered as he fell to his knees before her.

"He was right." He heard her whisper, trying not to hear her voice growing weaker as the curse continued. "I couldn't protect myself."

The curse was killing her and Harry couldn't stop it. He couldn't save her.

Suddenly, Elle stopped shaking. She remained unconscious on the floor.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus stopped their curses.

"That didn't take long," Rodolphus muttered.

"She's a weak muggle." Bellatrix offered as explanation. "We have no need for her."

Their voices were only dim in the background as Harry stared at her.

He had done this to her. It was his fault. He reached out slowly. But his hand, as he knew it would, just went right through her. He couldn't touch her. He couldn't hold her, now matter had much he wanted to.

"Avada Ked-" Harry's head snapped to Bellatrix as she stood with her wand outstretched toward Elle. She had her left sleeve rolled up; Harry could see her Dark Mark.

"He's calling." Rodolphus said, "Leave her. She knows nothing."

Grudgingly, Bellatrix agreed. However just before she was to turn to leave, she stopped short. Harry followed her gaze to the journal lying open on Elle's bed. Bellatrix took it and flipped through it, smirking as she saw Harry's name.

Flipping open to the last page, Bellatrix put her wand to her head and pulled out a silver strand. She put it in the journal and hid it away under the floorboard that Elle had left up.

"He'll be back for her. And now he'll know what he caused." She smiled coldly again.

Bellatrix apparated away and Harry was pulled out of the memory and away from Elle.

_He landed hard back in the Headmistress' office._

_Numbly, he put the Pensieve away and apparated back into Ron's room at the Burrow. He flopped down onto his bed._

_Bellatrix and Rodolphus must've blown up the house after they left._

_It was his fault. If he hadn't told her Voldemort's name, she never would've said it and Bellatrix never would've found her._

_If he had trusted her with the truth, then maybe she would've run away from him. Maybe she would've understood why she should've been afraid._

_But he didn't, and so he lost her._

_He heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs but didn't bother to look up at the doorway._

"_Harry? Are you alright?" She asked quietly as she walked into the room and sat down next to him. "You've been distant, since we've been at the Burrow. Are you alright?" She asked again._

_He turned his head to face her. Her eyes, meeting his, were full of concern and love. But they were brown._

_He wished they were blue. And he hated himself for that._

"_I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry." His hands went softly moved to cup her face as he closed his eyes. "You'll never know how sorry I am."_

"_Harry?" She questioned. "What's going on? What's wrong-"_

_She was stopped from speaking as his lips met hers. She thought it was to show her he cared, but it was so she would be quiet._

_She sounded nothing like her._

_With his eyes closed, he could imagine her there next to him. He could see her smile, her brown curls. He could almost hear her laugh._

_As he kissed her, he imagined it was another; he imagined that it was __**her**__ soft lips that he found pressing against his own._

"_I'm sorry." He whispered again as he pulled away. With his eyes still closed, he tangled his fingers in her soft hair. He imagined it was brown._

_He slowly opened his eyes and he saw her there. There was Elle sitting before him with a concerned look on her face, her blue eyes dimmed with worry._

"_Harry?" Her voice shattered the illusion._

_Elle disappeared and suddenly Ginny was sitting before him._

_He shut his eyes tightly before he opened them again but he could not regain his illusion._

"_I'm sorry." He repeated for the last time before he pulled Ginny into his arms._

_But he did not know to whom he was apologizing: to Ginny, for wishing she was someone else, or to Elle, for losing her._


	10. Chapter 10

The final chapter.

Its a happy ending, just not in the way you want it to be.

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

_Nineteen Years Later_

_June 30th, 2017_

"_Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked as she took his hand._

"_Of course," he replied, "Why wouldn't I?"_

"_You never were fond of him." She explained. "Why do you want to go see him now?"_

"_Its just time." He murmured._

_Harry knew that was not the reason. He had not been back to the house since that night. He had not touched her diary or that memory since that night. Harry did not speak of her._

_But Harry thought of her. He thought of how she looked at dusk on the swing set where they spent many memories. He thought of her laugh and how she used to smile at him. Then the memories would change. He would think of her telling him goodbye. He would think of her screams as Bellatrix tortured her for information that he had been foolish enough to withhold from her._

_But he knew now. He understood how stupid he was. He should've been honest with her from the start. He should've told her everything about himself. But now it was too late. Now she was gone. He wasn't the one who pointed his wand at her. But he was the reason she was dead._

"_Harry? Are you alright?" He looked to his wife. He loved Ginny. He loved her and he loved the children she had given him. But a part of his heart would always belong to the brown haired girl next door._

"_I'm fine." He smiled at Ginny before putting his arm around her waist and hugging her close._

_Together, along with James, Albus, and Lily, they walked up to the door and knocked._

- x -

Nineteen years ago, I woke up in a hospital. The white walls and gleaming floors were blinding. I looked around the room and saw a boy asleep in the chair by my bed.

I was confused. I didn't know why I was there. I didn't know who that boy was. I didn't know who I was.

They said I had been in an accident and that I probably wouldn't remember the trauma. They, these people in their shiny white coats, said that the furnace in my home had blown while I was inside. Apparently I hit my head and was found among the wreckage of my room, unconscious. They told me I had been in a coma for four months.

They told me the boy barely left my side.

Months passed as I recovered and was let out of the hospital. But I still didn't remember everything. Shawn, the boy who'd stayed by my side, helped me remember. And I did. I remembered everything about the time we'd spent together before the accident.

Shawn proposed to me a few years later and I'd accepted. We've been married for sixteen years.

Every now and then, I'd remember. I'd see a short clip, a glance into the past Shawn couldn't help me remember. Most, if not all, of my childhood was a blank to me.

I was happy with Shawn. But some days, I felt like something was missing, something that was almost in my grasp, but just out of my reach.

Together, that summer afternoon, we were walking home from the park hand in hand. Once we remained home, Shawn went inside, while I remained outside on our lawn.

The front door of my neighbor's house opened and out ran three children, two black haired boys and one red haired girl. Following them was a woman, whose red hair shone brightly as she watched the three children run around on the lawn.

My eyes travelled next to my neighbor, Dudley. The pudgy man was talking with a taller man. This man hair was jet black and messy, as if he had just rolled out of bed.

The man turned away from Dudley and turned to look at my house. His eyes, green like emeralds, swept my home with a peculiar look upon his face.

After the accident, my parents had the house rebuilt exactly the way it had looked before. After Shawn and I got married, my aunt got sick. So my parents moved to London to care for her, leaving Shawn and I the house.

I met the man's eyes.

_The boy shook my hand. "I'm Harry. Nice to meet you, Elle."_

_I smiled at him. "Elle…I like it."_

_He grinned back and pushed his round-rimmed glasses further up on his nose._

The man seemed familiar to me, as I'd seen him before.

_"Elle," he muttered, "Go home." He shiftily glanced at the darkness surrounding us._

_"Harry-"_

_"Go home, Isabelle." He said darkly._

_I looked away from him. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was not going to cry._

I put a hand to my head as I continued to stare at this man. Who was he?

_"No." He interrupted adamantly. "No. I will never forget you. No matter where I move to or where I go I will not forget you. I'd think you would forget me more easily than I ever could. I mean…you go to school nearby and so do all your friends and I am not the easiest person to contact when I'm at school. I would think-"_

_"Well then maybe you shouldn't think," I joked. "Because I doubt that I could ever forget you. I don't want to." I whispered. _

But I had forgotten him. I know I did. I know I used to know him. I just can't place it.

_"What happened?" I asked quietly._

_"Nothing." He shrugged._

_"Harry, come on-"_

_"Nothing happened!" He yelled at me as he forcefully stood up from the swing, sending it slamming into one of the metal poles holding up the swing set. "Nothing happened!" He repeated._

_"Why are you lying to me Harry?" I asked quietly, as I stayed on my swing. "I don't understand why you don't trust me."_

_He sighed and messed up his hair absentmindedly. "Its not that I don't trust you-"_

_"Then why don't you tell me what's wrong?"_

Was he that boy I kept dreaming about? The skinny boy with emerald eyes that saw right through me?

"_He's back. He's back. He's back." Harry kept repeating. "No one is safe now. He's going to kill everyone. And I have to stop him."_

"_Harry, you're just a kid!"_

"_I know that!" He yelled, shoving himself. "I know I'm a kid and I know its impossible but I have to! Voldemort killed my parents, Elle! And he's the reason my godfather is dead! I have no family! I have to stop him because he chose me! People create their own enemies and that's what he did! If he had chosen to kill Neville's parents instead of mine, Neville would be in my place! But he didn't. Voldemort gave me this task when he murdered my parents! I have to destroy him or else…or else everyone is screwed."_

"_Harry-"_

"_Elle…he's back and I can't keep everyone safe."_

I dreamed about him at night. I couldn't stop. I didn't know who he was. I didn't know why he kept coming back, night after night. I didn't know why he wouldn't go away.

"_I'm worried about you," I whispered one night, as we found ourselves at the playground, yet again._

"_I'm more worried about you."_

_"What?" I asked incredulously as we sat up. "Why are you worried about me? __**You're **__the one with a psycho murderer/mob boss after you! Not __me__!" I exclaimed._

_"Yes, but you're friends with me. He could know…he could…he could hurt you to get to me," Harry replied as he refused to look at me._

_"I can protect myself Harry." I insisted._

_"No you can't!" Harry yelled, standing up. "He could kill you in an instant, before you even know what happened. If he ever finds out about you, he could torture you until you lose your mind!"_

"_Harry-"_

"_I'm sorry." He whispered harshly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

"_Harry, stop apologizing."_

"_Why don't you understand? I am not safe. I am not a good friend. Every moment that you've spent with me, I'm just putting you in more danger…when he finds out about you-""You don't need to worry about me!"_

"_Someone has to!" Harry yelled, turning to face me. "Elle, you're the closest thing I have to family. I've known you longer than anyone of my school friends. I told you things I haven't told them. They know what they're up against. But you…I can't lose you because of this. I can't let him find you."_

My heart ached for the boy I couldn't remember. I wanted to, desperately.

"_You don't have to protect me."_

"_You don't understand!"_

"_Does it matter?" I asked. "Whether or not I understand, you've leaving either way. It doesn't matter if I understand or if Voldemort knows about me. You're leaving Harry. Nothing's changing that. So just say goodbye already."_

"_Elle, please. I'll come back."_

"_No, you won't. If you lose, you'll be dead and then well…you for sure can't come back here. And if you win…there's nothing here for you."_

"_Elle-""Who knows how long it will be. Who knows if I'll still be here. Who knows if I'll remember you at all. Maybe I'll just remember you as the boy who lived next door to me. Nothing more. Though I guess that's all we've ever been. Just neighbors."_

"_Elle," his eyebrows were furrowed as if he was deep in thought. "I hurt you." He said it, as if it was the biggest newsflash._

"_No, Harry," I said, fighting to keep my voice from cracking, "For you to hurt me, I'd have to care about you."_

"Daddy!" The little girl ran over to the man and grabbed his legs. With a smile on his face, he picked up the girl and held her close. She looked just like her mother.

I knew. I knew that that man was the boy who lived next door. He was who I couldn't remember. He was person who filled the hole in my heart. But I could see that the red hair woman held his heart, regardless whatever had once happened with us.

"Belle!" I turned back to toward my home. Shawn stood in the doorway with a smile on his face while he held the hand of our little boy.

"Hi mommy." My son giggled as he waved to me.

"Hi Harry." I smiled back at him.

I turned my back on the boy who I used to know and went inside my house.

I knew that whatever I had with that man in my youth was over. It had ended with my accident, maybe even before that.

As I watched my husband play a game with his son, my hand went absently to clutch the key on the silver chain around my neck.

That summer day, I left the boy I used to love in my memories.

- x -

_He promised her that he would return to Privet Drive. And he did. For her. Not to see Dudley, not because 'it was time.' But because he promised her._

_He thought she was dead. He didn't know she was alive._

_But there she was, standing on the very lawn that he'd met her on all those summers ago._

"_Oh, you remember Isabelle right?" Dudley asked stupidly, grabbing Harry's attention away from her._

"_She hates that name." He mumbled, but Dudley did not hear._

"_Well, about twenty years ago, her house exploded." Dudley said conversationally. "She was in a coma for four months and when she finally woke up, she didn't remember anything."_

"_What?" Harry said quickly, snapping his eyes to Dudley as he tried desperately to hide how much he wanted to know._

"_She lost her memory in the accident," Dudley said with a shrug. "She barely remembers anything from before the accident. It took Shawn forever to get her to remember him."_

"_Shawn?" He asked quietly as he stared back at the girl. The name rattled his memory and his heart._

_Shawn._

_The boy who'd fallen in love with __**his**__ Elle._

_She returned the stare, as if she remembered him._

"_Her husband."_

_But she wasn't __**his**__ Elle anymore. He knew it. She'd forgotten every memory they'd had together. He didn't exist in her mind. He knew she'd changed._

_Maybe she was better off not remembering him. Maybe she was better off without him._

"_Daddy!" Lily ran up to him and he gladly picked her up. She looked just like her mother._

"_Belle." Harry's head turned toward her house again to see Elle walking toward the front door, toward Shawn and a little boy._

_Harry's stomach twisted painfully as the boy called hello to his mother._

_As the front door closed on the first girl he loved, he knew it was for the best. He knew that they had had a chance when they were young. But things had changed and they were both in love with someone else now._

_They could only be together in their memories._


End file.
